Lessons from ‘House of Pain’

Valley View - Off the interstate, beyond the road to where the pavement ends, is a parallel universe occupied by Gail and Ricky Patterson.

Here, Scarlett, a 13-year-old mare, and her two colts, Hitchcock and Nova, graze on what remains after grasshoppers devoured most of their farm’s greenery last June. Goats munch on what’s left.

Still, not even the havoc wreaked by pesky grasshoppers could deflate the Pattersons’ anticipation of the Dallas Market Center’s upcoming Chile Pepperama on Nov. 1. The Pattersons plan to once again sell their homemade spicy Habañero Hemp biscotti - in addition to Chocolate Chipotle and Lemon Poppy Seed biscotti, the latest in their line of hot stuff.

The Habañero Hemp biscotti sold out within the first six hours of an Austin trade show in August, and it was one of two Patterson products that took first-place honors at the 1998 Texas Fiery Foods Shoot-out. (And, no, it’s not that hemp.)

The other product was Mistress Karlita’s Spankin’ Rub, a mixture of herbs and spices that can be used as a salt-and-pepper substitute or as a dry rub, especially on another Patterson product, fried turkeys.

So far, their 3-year-old business, Big Fatty’s Falming Foods Inc., has been holding its own, between word of mouth and advertisements in narrowly targeted publications.

“We also do mail-orders all over the country,” Ms. Patterson says. “And we do catering.”

Occasionally, a savory goat sausage is included in their bill of fare, but because of rigid laws governing the packaging and sale of processed meat, they can’t sell it. They can, however, share the wealth with friends.

Because the Pattersons still are somewhat squeamish about converting their livestock to food, the goats don’t have names. Once they have names, they reckon, they’ve crossed into the realm of pets, and well, you don’t eat pets.

Remember the parallel universe.

On a recent afternoon, the Pattersons prepared lunch for a visitor using several Big Fatty products. A 14-pound turkey - well-rubbed with their special blend of herbs and spices - emerged golden brown after being deep-fried in several gallons of sizzling oil. They fry them for Thanksgiving, too.

As Ms. Patterson slices the turkey, Mr. Patterson checks the rest of the meal - pinto beans, collard greens sauteed in olive oil and garlic, and Big Fatty’s Combustible Cornbread Mix.

“People kind of look at the $5 tag for a 12-ounce bag, but when they make it, they realize it was worth every penny,” Ms. Patterson says. “It comes from Ricky’s mother. The important thing is to make it with buttermilk, and follow the recipe. People always think there’s a trick to it, but there isn’t. The important thing is that it has to be made with...”

Mr. Patterson, who has been whipping up egg, buttermilk and corn bread mix, finishes his wife’s sentence as they simultaneously say,“...BURNIN’ LOVE!”

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